Yesterday about choked to death
on my own spit.
(Stop laughing! It's true!)
This isn't the first time I've choked on my spit. This is one of those cool things that I inherited from my Mom's Mom. Out of the blue, like dear Grandma, you inhale some saliva and start to cough uncontrollably.
We affectionately call this "Grandma Hill-ing" it.
This, however, was no average Grandma Hill-ing. Somehow I managed to breathe in a large amount of spittle, and proceeded to cough......
not breathe.......cough-gag-Not Breathe.........Spit...choke.....cough....
squeak a little breath in, then repeat the cough-not breathe cycle 50 times!
This caused my family to FREAK OUT!! My 14 year old was bawling, and ran to her room. (she has a tendency to go from Zero to Hysterical really fast). Lego ran down the hall after me, and kept trying to come in the bathroom. (I was trying to keep him out to spare him the UGLY scene) The twins weren't phased in the least though. They continued fighting about who got the last piece of pizza.
By the time I was finally able to breathe.......kind of......my face was purple, my eyes were red and watering, and my nose was running like crazy.
I threw out my lower back.
I almost soiled my undies.
(you didn't want to know that)
This is what I learned from this experience:
1-Don't inhale your spit. It is a messy situation.
2- If I am ever in a real life or death situation, I hope that I'm not alone with my 14 year old.
3-Same as above but with the Pizza fighting twins.
4- If I'm going to choke I should really choke on something cool, like calamari, it would make for a better story.